In late October, I began sharing about ‘integrity’on the AWP Blog and discovered that one important aspect of ‘integrity’ is honesty! Honesty with self and others. Honesty in our dealings with others whether family, friends, co-workers, employers or customers. Imagine that! That honesty is a key ingredient of one's integrity.
Today I want to focus on ‘integrity and strategic honesty’.
What in the world is that, you might ask. “Strategic honesty” is a term I coined some years ago when having to deal with ‘knotty’ situations in the health care setting. As a senior manager, I had to find creative means to deal with physicians, administrators, families, other department heads and my own staff. Sometimes being totally “up front” honest was definitely not the way to go! Yet my growing personal and professional integrity demanded honesty.
Digressing briefly, when we’re younger, we often don’t have the courage or the self-knowledge it takes to reach the level of integrity we grow into with the coming of the 2nd half of the journey. Sometimes, I think it was easier in those days since it wasn’t something we may not have even noticed.
As we mature and personal-professional integrity becomes more important, the situations don’t necessarily change, but our response to them demands more of us - because we have changed!
So what is strategic honesty? It’s those times when to be totally and unabashedly honest would be devastating to another or to the situation we encounter. It’s a time when we must be carefully ’strategic’ in how honest we are with another. One of the greatest lessons we learn as we move into the 2nd half of the journey is what to tell and what not to tell. If what we tell won’t make a situation better - then it’s better not to tell it!
Perhaps the following example is helpful: some dear folks I knew (now deceased) were sharing continuously over the few days before the husband’s death. It was important to him to get everything “off his chest” before leaving earth and his beloved wife. One of the things he told was a incident that occurred a ton-load of years before while they were young. It was a ’shocker’, but he felt a need to share it all. I only learned of this aspect of their long intimate conversations a few years later. I wondered “was it absolutely necessary to have been that honest?” “Was she hurt?” “Was it difficult to lose him and a sense of innocence that had lasted well over 50 years?” It was important to him and it maintained his integrity, but at whose expense?
When speaking the truth - our truth - it isn’t always necessary to speak it all. Speaking with integrity in complicated situations demands thoughtful reflection and strategic planning so as to keep everyone’s integrity intact.
I’m speaking here as the ‘expert’, but trust me, I’m not. I haven’t learned how to do it that well myself. It takes considerable practice. I once told a client to write down what she wanted to say - write it all down. Then go back and edit out what wasn’t necessary in order to be true to self and others.
In a work setting with employees, supervisors or customers, the same holds true. It’s somewhat like what Jack Webb on ‘Dragnet’ used to say, “Just the facts Maam!” Sometimes that’s all that’s needed and if feelings need to be expressed, then the simpler the explanation - the better!
So being strategically honest is speaking only that aspect of the truth that is necessary to resolve the current situation and withholding what won’t improve a situation and may even make it worse. Strategic honesty requires taking a step back and a deep breath. It requires pre-assessment; rehearsal and then action.
Finally, for me and perhaps for you as well, if there’s peace in the ‘gut’, then we’ve probably been true to our integrity. If the other person has a similar level of peace - then most likely we’ve learned strategic honesty!
At least for the moment!
Have an awesome day with much love and many blessings!
Author Resource:-
Linda S. Fitzgerald, M.S.Ed, has a passion for enriching, empowering and encouraging women to achieve their God-given destiny. A professional therapist by background and destiny-design coach, she is chief architect for the web’s newest online COMMUNITY for all women whether over 40 or not! Please visit http://www.awomensplace.org/blog for great information on topics of interest to women transitioning through life’s most exciting season. Checkout http://www.awomensplace.org to join dynamic women of excellence as we journey through the 2nd half of life together!
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