On a Sunday recently, I began a conversation on our blog around ‘integrity’. What Webster defines the word to mean; adding my own interpretation to the dictionary definition.
As my Heavenly Papa would have it, Willy has a piece that you’ll find tomorrow via our weekly newsletter and one of the sentences is on ‘integrity’. Basically, she identifies integrity with ‘honesty’. “I am honest because I have integrity”. Or more aptly put, "I have integrity because I am honest!"
What if my honesty is around anger or frustration or hurt, fear, doubt, grief? What then? How do I express what is happening in my inner world; being true to my own integrity, in a way that permits another’s integrity to remain intact?
I’m here to say, “it ain’t easy!”
I’ve gone here today because - you guessed it - I’ve been dealing with all of the above what we call ‘negative’ feelings that consistently bubble to the surface as emotions, that for the most part must stay below the surface! To allow ‘emoting’ would surely injure relationships and create more havoc than I’m willing to deal with.
As a committed Christian woman, to permit the boiling inner world to surface for others to experience is not the way to go. Even though to do so would be maintaining my ‘integrity’.
A point I often make with women is that before we came to a level of belief or faith - we first became ‘human’! And humans have feelings and emotions. They are neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’ - it’s what we do with them that allows us to place an adjective upon them!
Life is going to throw us its curves and usually they come because there’s something to be learned while we’re cruisin’ through the curve. The key for me is to learn how to ‘cruise’ while keeping my integrity intact (remaining true to me and honest with myself) and that of the other(s).
Here’s a few tips I’ve learned along the way as relates to dealing with the not so pleasant ‘curves’ in life: (1) don’t offer advice to another unless you are specifically asked to do so. If you hear what you think might be a veiled request for such; ask the question, “are you asking for my advice?” If the answer is “yes”, then you have permission to give input! (2) always try to use the ’sandwich’ approach! A dear late colleague of mine taught me this years ago. I’m still not adept at it, but when I’m coming from my head instead of a wounded ‘gut’, I have gotten fairly proficient. It works thusly; when there is something ‘tough’ that needs to be communicated in order to remain true to one’s integrity - start the conversation with a positive (i.e., “I really appreciate when you . . . .”). Then add the ‘meat’ of the sandwich which is the heart of the problem. Try to speak it in “I” statements rather than “you” statements. And finally, end the conversation with another positive! Something I’ve done, when my head is clear, is end with words similar to “our relationship is too important to me to have hurt and pain that over time will damage it and us!”
The above suggestions allow me to maintain my integrity by owning what is going on in my inner world and permits the other (or others) to maintain theirs. Oftentimes, others don’t realize that their words or deeds have caused pain.
Ah there is so much to this subject and as most of you know by now, I could write on and on! But enough for today so that I save the rest for the rest of the week.
I do want to add that one of the distinctions I’ve noticed between women in the 1st half of the journey and those who’ve entered the 2nd half, is an awareness that integrity is a must! Things that might have slipped by either unnoticed or without import attached, can no longer be ‘business as usual’ because personal and professional integrity are suddenly more important than the sale, or the new business opportunity or whatever the case may be.
There is a dignity that is at the heart of personal integrity and our personal integrity must be the ground on which we lay our professional integrity. In actuality, it is not even apropos to divide what simply IS if we have achieved integrity at all! Who we are; what we are; where we are is one and the same - no matter what.
And it matters not how we describe it if we are to remain true to our integrity. It does matter how we deal with it! That is, after all, what the dignity of integrity is all about!
Pursue it with all you have! Make it happen when it's meant to be! And shrink not from what the Lord brings that will form it in you. And don't be afraid to name it before Him Who knows it all and understands!
Author Resource:-
Linda S. Fitzgerald, M.S.Ed, has a passion for enriching, empowering and encouraging women to achieve their God-given destiny. A professional therapist by background and destiny-design coach, she is chief architect for the web’s newest online COMMUNITY for all women whether over 40 or not! Please visit http://www.awomensplace.org/blog for great information on topics of interest to women transitioning through life’s most exciting season. Checkout http://www.awomensplace.org to join dynamic women of excellence as we journey through the 2nd half of life together!
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