Q. As a young adult I was raised in the church, and I know the Bible says to wait for sex until after I am married. My question is “Why?” I know about all the arguments about the communicable diseases, and unwanted pregnancy issues. But let’s face it; these are just what I call scare tactics. After all, those are things that can be prevented with the use of forms of birth control and responsible decisions. I want to know what the harm of having sex before marriage?
A. Your questions are very valid. You’re right a lot of the traditional sex talks can seem to be like scare tactics to persuade people to make the right decisions. Some even compare them to guilt trips from the pulpit. However, while your question addresses the physical concerns of sexuality, there are some emotional reasons God intends sex for marriage.
1. Not being compared to other sexual partners
We all know the pain of being compared to others in every day life whether it is they are smarter, more beautiful, or have more accomplishments. However, sex requires a lot of vulnerability. Therefore, that the depth of being compared sexually can hurt so much more; especially if there has been more than one sexual partner.
2. Increased self esteem because you believe you are worth the wait.
Waiting is one of the most difficult things to do in life. As human beings we like getting things quickly. We have fast food restaurants, microwave ovens, high speed internet connections. Abstinence requires that you bypass instant satisfaction of physical desires, while keeping focused on savoring that sexual experience for your future spouse. Those couples that I have counseled that have abstained until marriage often tell me that they know how important they are to their spouse because they were worth the wait. Abstinence demonstrates your spouse’s strength in character, but the value he/she places upon you and your relationship.
3. The intimacy of discovering each other sexually
Let’s face it; virgins really don’t know what they are doing when they have sex for the first time. It is an awkward time, leaving some to even ask, “This is what I waited for?” But, there in lies the gem. As their marriage progresses, there is fun in discovering sexuality together. Couples feel closer and more connected rather than wondering if they are living up to previous sexual partners.
Proverbs 4:23 says: “Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts.” (The Message.) God’s intention for abstinence is not made from a set obedience of rules and regulations, but from trying to protect our hearts and emotions. Relationships that have involved sex have a more emotional jagged edges than those where abstinence have been involved. Aren’t you worth the wait?
Author Resource:-
Terre Grable is Christian licensed professional counselor in Franklin, Tennessee. She enjoys helping couples strengthen and rebuild intimacy within their marriage and relationships, and helping parents and teens become better friends when they feel like enemies.
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