"Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover.
I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful..."- - Song of Solomon 3:1 (The Message)
Believe it or not, this verse describes the heart's desire for a lot of new moms. Yet, as her husband you may be wondering if you and your spouse will ever engage in a healthy sexual relationship again. You really want to enjoy some time together as a couple, but are you uncertain how to approach her, especially since the baby was born? Here are some tips that any new mom would appreciate her husband taking into consideration:
1. Timing
Too often the joke is that sex slows down after marriage, and then completely stops after having children - as if women are no longer interested in sex after the children are born. What a raw deal! Most women enjoy healthy sexual relationships, but as a new mom she may need more understanding from you regarding timing and frequency.
Husband Tip: Be sensitive to the timing of her delivery. Physical healing after delivery is necessary to avoid further medical issues. Also, she may need some time for the emotional adjustment that comes with caring for a newborn - especially if there is more than child at home.
2. There is more to sex than just intercourse
For most women, sex is experiential, not just physical. In addition, the experiential part of sex starts long before the physical encounter. It is the emotional connection that that we are after, not just the physical pleasure.
Husband Tip: Be intentional about talking to your wife throughout the day. Start in the morning - that is if she is awake! Follow up perhaps throughout the day with a phone call to see how her day is going. Perhaps try and meet her for lunch. Keep in mind the simplest things can mean the most.
3. The biggest turn on that doesn't cost a cent
Want to know something that you can do that can be a huge turn on to your wife that will not cost you a dime? Two words: help her. A lot of new moms feel like they need to do everything well - keep the house, meet all the needs of the baby and her family and work full time. It can mean the world to a new mom, when her spouse offers to help her out without having to be asked.
Husband Tip: Find something that your wife does not enjoy, or really needs help with and start doing it. Does she like waking up to a clean kitchen? Why not do the dishes? If you are really stuck on some ideas of what to do, why not ask her?
4. Physical appearance
For a new mom, physical appearance can be very sensitive. Often, it can take a while to lose any excessive weight gained from pregnancy. In a culture that tends to place a lot of emphasis on appearance, a new mom can be left feeling discouraged. As her husband, you can play significant role in her self esteem by providing verbal affirmation.
Husband Tip: Be observant of the strides that she is making to both lose weight, and express them. Also be intentional on how you can affirm her inner beauty not just her external looks. If you are afraid you may forget, then write down I Thessalonians 5:14 somewhere you will see it to remind you.
5. We need time away....without the kids
Often, a new mom can feel like she is in a whirlwind of new activity. Or you as her spouse may be feeling, often as she does, that your relational closeness is slipping away. Couples need time to focus on one another without being distracted with parenting. Stronger marital relationship makes for better parenting.
Husband Tip: Plan a weekend or overnight get away for you and your spouse alone. If you must take the baby with you because of breastfeeding, then still plan a special day where you can have some fun together alone.
Parenting a newborn can bring a shock to any marital relationship. It requires a lot of physical time and emotional energy from a new mom. As her husband, there are simple things you can do that will are meaningful and motivating to rekindle your marital relationship.
Author Resource:-
Terre Grable is a Christian licensed professional counselor. She enjoys helping couples strengthen and rebuild intimacy within their marriage and relationships.
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