7 Secrets to Handle Tough Conversations from Christian Life Coaching
by
Michael Young
Is there someone you need to have a tough conversation
with and have been dreading? One of the most common barriers to
authentic conversation is that people do not know how to begin.
Christian life coaching can help you make your relationships flourish
even during tough conversations.
You will have to speak truth in a way that is respectful, even if you
believe the other person does not deserve it. When you want to talk and
the other person does not, it may be tempting to cajole or demand. What
do you do if you want to have a difficult conversation about an
important workplace matter but the other person does not? If you are
more cheerful and optimistic than the person you are talking to or if
you are at a different level of responsibility or authority than they
are, this can make communication more difficult. You should give the
other person respect and listen to their side. Try to keep this in mind
when you are in a difficult conversation, remember the goal is to solve
whatever problem is between me and the other person.
As a leader it is important to develop people who want to share and help
carry out the goals of the organization. However, some people like tough
conversations and some people avoid confronting a problem because they
are uncomfortable with confrontation. They think it is more work than it
is worth, or worry that they will bruise the relationship in the
process.
Here are four simple things NOT to do:
-
Do not let too much time go by before entering into the conversation.
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Do not have a preconceived idea. Try to learn as much as possible about the other's point of view.
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Do not interrupt, but simply acknowledge what they say.
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Do not keep them guessing about your desire to make things right.
The 7 Secrets to Handle a Tough Conversation
1. People are not able listen and understand what another is saying
while planning their answer or trying to interrupt. That conversation
that is running in your head prevents you from truly hearing and
understanding. You may be surprised by what you learn when you seek
first to understand. The 19th century English statesman Sir John Lubbock
said, "What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
2. Regardless of the issue, you should bring it up in private. When you
have disagreements in public, those around you feel out-of-place and
uncomfortable. A problem is not resolved until you both think it is.
After you have had a tough conversation, you both are likely to have
questions and unresolved issues. Leave the door open for another
conversation. Do not be offended if the person you are talking with is
not pleasant to deal with at the moment. Stress will make you do things
you normally would not. The circumstances are causing the problem, not
you.
3. Be sure of what you want to say and do not wait long before bringing
it up. Letting the issue fester will not make it go away but will make
it worse. Resentment comes when a problem arises and they feel like
nothing is being done about it. You can keep small problems from
becoming big problems by addressing them quickly.
4. While there may be many issues, discuss only one at a time and deal
only in the facts, not speculation or opinion. Dealing with too many
issues at once is overwhelming and makes it difficult to come to a
resolution. Speak clearly and simply. People rightly see double-talk as
an attempt to cloud the issues and avoid responsibility.
5. Keep your tone and volume at a respectable level and do not be
accusatory. Yelling and an accusatory tone can be intimidating. Your
reaction will be seen as aggressive and impede progress to a point where
you both lose. An aggressive person will cause those more timid to
retreat and say nothing or worse, say anything to keep the peace. Two
aggressive personalities can intensify it to a level of physical
response.
6. Allow the other person to state their feelings or opinion. If you
hear something that you do not like, ask them to repeat it and try to
understand without getting defensive. Often we assume we know the whole
story and strive to be right instead of listening to understand.
7. Look at the issue from the other person's point-of-view. Do not
assume you know what the other person is thinking. Do not bring up
things the person cannot change or has no control over. Treat the person
with respect and try to come to a solution that will satisfy both of
you. Take responsibility. Do what it takes to make it right, follow up
at your end.
Of course, the best way to handle difficult times with others is to
prevent them from occuring in the first place. But that is not always
possible. Practicing these simple tips, you can get through tough
conversations in your relationships. The art of conversation is like any
art. By making these tips good habits you acquire the skill and ease for
beautiful interactions. Just remember, the ultimate goal is to resolve
the issue and restore the relationship.
About the Author
Michael Young is the Founder and President of TMR Coaching. He has helped others be successful in their business, life, and relationships.
Article Source: http://Christian-Article-Bank.com