Christian Coaching - How to Handle Conflict
by
Michael Young
Problems happens. It starts with the problem of pulling
the covers off and stepping out of bed. So far so good. You walk the
dog, send the kids off to school, settle into work, then something
happens. (You knew it would, right?)
Trouble can come from anywhere. A delayed product shipment causes a
client to miss a deadline. A salesperson (maybe even you!) promises more
than you could deliver. A prospect finds a defect in one of your best
sellers that needs replacing right away.
We all know that setbacks are going to occur in business. difficulties
that strain relations between you and your customer. difficulties that
can cause anger and mistrust to accumulate. Will this mean the end of a
once strong relationship?
Not necessarily, when fractures rise between you and a prospect, it may
be time for a real conversation. A time to clear the air and address the
difficulty that is causing trouble. But how do you keep a difficult
conversation from becoming a full-scale fight that forever damages
relations with your client?
Here are 4 principles to get you through the difficult conversations
that can make or break your business. Your hot buttons are the emotional
responses set off by the words or actions of others during ugly
encounters. You feel triggered during conflict when you believe the
other persons words or actions as threatening to your identity in some
way. Common obstacles include real or perceived confrontations to your
competence, worth, freedom, and sense of being included.
Your hot buttons can trip you up in conflict because they cause you to
misinterpret, shut down, lash out or take a side trip down the blame
road. They also trigger a set of emotional actions that may lead to
expansion.
When you are exploding, your brain may encounter what is called a neural
hijacking. The brain perceives a threat, trumpets an emergency and moves
into engagement. This hijacking occurs so instantaneously that the
conscious, thinking portion of the brain does not yet fully comprehend
what is happening.
So, you are off and running. While saying she presses my buttons
suggests it is the other persons responsibility to knock it off, only
you can manage your own sparks. Everyone is trap is a little different,
so what prompts me may not induce you. This is why charging others for
trapping you is not very effective. You undermine productivity expecting
them to change and do the right thing, when only you can change your own
reactions.
How do you overcome a ploy instead of engaging non-productive
conversation? Here are some effective principles for discovering,
noting, and controlling conflict sparks. Start with examining your self.
Keeping your self in and in control during argument is in a large part
dependent upon the reflective work you do when you are not in difficult
conversation.
Learn what sparks you and why you are pushed. Get back to the root. A
coach is an excellent resource to walk you through the process. Skipping
your motives is like building a house in sand. Educate yourself
alternative responses. Once you are aware of. You probably would not
take Spanish 101 and then offer your services as an guru. By using your
new skills often when the higher-stake problem comes, you will be
confident in your ability and masterfully defuse the situation.
In the beginning of the foray, stop. Assess your emotions, body language
and verbal intensity. A angry face, sweating, yelling takes for your
internal flooding to subside.
Beware of venting as a prevailing pattern. While it is a popular notion
that venting makes people feel better and assists getting the emotional
buzz out of the way, research suggests that if you use this practice
over and over, the opposite effect occurs. While it may feel good in the
moment, venting anger as your normal mode may make you more angry and
push your body and brain into a heightened state of anxiety or rage.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 26:4,5 says, the fool must be answered
but not in a foolish manner. Observation and review shows that anger is
a issue for every Christian. Sinful anger comprises roughly 90 percent
of all counseling issues . While it is not wrong to act in anger since
the design of the emotion is to motivate. It is wrong if it is used
improperly. It must be used to honor God. After all, anger is a
compelling stimulus that God built into his people for the purpose of
moving him to Biblical action. Rage and anger is two distinct emotions.
Anger is righteous as communication of feeling in reverberation to
another's behavior. Jesus got angry. Mark reminds us that Jesus turned
on the Pharisees in anger (3:5). John writes to us of Jesus driving out
the moneychangers from the house of God (2:17). God, Himself is angry
with the wicked everyday (Psalm 7:11).
To presuppose anger wrong without qualification constitutes a careless
and capricious use of scripture. Our emotional make up is from God. All
of our emotions when used according to scripture are blessed. Emotions
become sinful when we fail to use them in accord with Biblical
limitations and structures. The Bible also teaches us to be angry AND
sin not! proper anger can become unrighteous anger in two ways. By the
venting anger and by the internalizing anger. That is by blowing up and
clamming up. The scriptural way to handle anger is to focus it on the
issue not toward the person. Deal with it quickly, and rebuild the
relationship. Putting the other before yourself.
About the Author
Michael Young is an experienced life coach and writer who has coached people to success in their business and relationships.
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